A part of that listening, still needs to have boundaries in it. There may be a scenario in which you're not going to be able to figure it out and you can compartmentalize both of those relationships to a degree and it's not going to be harmful to any of you. They will then go, "Well, I'll talk to them about that. The next one related to that is, do I feel like this partner is too different from me? At some point as a non-monogamous person, you will very likely experience a new person entering your life via your partner. Especially if this has happened to you more than once. Obviously, sometimes it won't. In these very tight-knit communities of non-monogamous, just any type of people that even friend communities that know each other quite well, sometimes there are these moments where people get gossiped about and it's shitty, it's not okay in my opinion at all. I think it's important in those instances also to try to figure out what your own opinion of that person is, regardless of what other people may think. You can order Dedeker's book,The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory: Everything You Need to Know about Open Relationships, Non-Monogamy, and Alternative Lovebyclicking here. Can I help you in doing that?". Keeping your problems with your twin a secret will not help. I did find some solace in being able to vent to other people. Web600 million italian lira to usd in 1995. WebWe tend to actively avoid dating people the other two (and our daughter) dont get along with. Emily:It's a challenging one. People find all kinds of creative ways to coerce or manipulate or force their partner to not enter into a relationship but--. Between these two extremes is a middle ground; metamours may not be best friends and may not hang out with one another, but they may be friends on social media and reach out to one another occasionally. Again, like all of these questions that we're going to ask ourselves in these scenarios are going to be ones that are really good to try to figure out because often like you're going to be bringing your own personal biases into this relationship with your metamour. We're going to get to scenario C where you're the person who's in the middle, but is don't let them do it. Jase:On this episode of the Multiamory podcast, we're talking about what to do about metamour problems. There may be times when you dont get along with someone and have the flexibility to choose not to spend time with them. We're going to get to scenario C where you're the person who's in the middle, but is don't let them do it. Can you please just figure it out because it's really challenging for me to be in the middle of this.". Then on the other hand is, remembering that can help you avoid falling into the trap of just doing the same thing back to them. WebI learned the hard way that if my metamours don't get along that is a massive signal to change things so they are no longer metamours. That it is worth it to take that time to really figure that out for yourself and to find a way to be like, "How can I actually enjoy these relationships? Because let me tell you, there have been so many times with friends actually who have some tiff with somebody where they'll show me a text message and exchange and be like, "Can you believe that they said this?" Dedeker:Or why are you doing this yadda, yadda, yadda but you also don't want to see them get hurt again. Well, I think humanizing people in general is a really good thing to do in a lot of these instances and we've talked about that before. Emily:For sure, it's shitty to do all around. Emily:Yes, exactly. This is huge, this is so huge, which is why it's number one on our list here, is right from the start, don't-- it's going to happen a little bit, it just will, that's how humans work, but don't let that become the norm, don't let that become a thing you rely on or a thing that becomes their full-time job. Dedeker:We're on the cusp of the antichrist. A lot of this can pretend to that as well for sure. This can also be helpful if you're requesting something from your metamour. That definitely is a helpful thing to put out there. I also like signed up for a subscription. That was arguably the best feeling venting, was just having someone who has no stake, that I can literally- comparatively play the poor baby game that they talked about the ethical slut. Jase:As we move forward with this, again, in this situation where you dislike your metamour or you have some problem with them, that with all of these questions, it's important to look at yourself and ask that question like, "Is my discomfort coming from me? Emily:I think it's a really good opportunity to remind yourself that polyamory allows you to explore so many different facets of who you are. norris dam death. It is okay to give yourself some gentleness and some love and some compassion, because I think that it is important that you're able to take ownership of the things that you may have done that maybe contributed to this scenario, because sometimes there is. Go, "No, no, please don't actually." Just remember that. Home; About; Episodes; Follow; Contact; March 22, 2023 by kendra andrews and malika. Dedeker:That's a hard truth to internalize. Even that, even if you have heard these things, even that's not 100% like, yes, this person is bad. Jase:I feel like with this one I found for myself personally that I've definitely had a lot more peace in my life, the more I've been able to accept that other people can be better than me at things and just let them have that. That's such a stereotype that if that is your experience, you're like, "Well, that's normal. That's an important distinction we always need to make. That can be really hard, but that's one of probably the most valuable lessons I've learned. I think what I feel, my opinion of what's most important here when confronting a metamour is to use the first step of NVC which is the stating an observation rather than an interpretation. That it's okay to take time away for yourself to recalibrate and connect to what it is you actually want. Sometimes it's that simple, sometimes it's not that simple. Don't try to gossip about them back to the rest of your community or people who might be on your side about this particular thing, because that's just going to breed intolerance and unkindness towards one another. It is possible for change to occur but it may take time and that's something to be aware of as well, it may be challenging in those moments. Our full transcript is available on this episode's page on multiamory.com. No, that doesn't happen as often and said like--. Multiamory is created and produced by Jase Lindgren, Dedeker Winston and me Emily Matlack. If you find one please let us know at info@multiamory.com and we will fix it ASAP. Donald Trump has been charged with 34 felony counts. 
Just putting those things in place, sometimes can just solve it right there, sometimes. Its not that we never do When your partner does this and they will. They don't hurt this other person, they hurt me." I think we've all had a lot of practice of things also feeling good as well that gives us a good contrast to when things are not feeling so good between metamours and partners. I didn't know she sang. You can offer some support in that, but ultimately this is their issue to fix, either about themselves or with each other and maybe doing some things to facilitate that could help. That again doesn't mean that you need to badmouth the other partner to each of them, but simply just be a listening ear and employ understanding to both of them because understandably it might be difficult in both scenarios. What you're actually going to end up is a situation where your partner is now resenting you because they're not feeling good around you. Our episodes are edited by Mauricio del Venera. Los Angeles is going to be fairly large, for example, but if you're, I don't know, in Jacson, Mississippi, potentially, it's going to be smaller. You still have to advocate for your own needs as the partner in the middle of what is it that you need from each relationship but sometimes that happens and that is their decision. Webcomebacks for when someone says you have no brain. Either your own ones that you do and that you have or your own ones that you've internalized about the way that all men are or all women are or something like that. I think that'll give you the I went and used our own promo code, tryquip.com/multiamory and I ordered a Quip for my mom for her birthday, which is shortly after Christmas and she got it. Is there something about the tone of their voice or about the way that they speak or the things that they're interested in or the way that they style themselves that I'm just like, "I had an experience with someone like that once that left a bad taste in my mouth and now, I'm automatically projecting that onto this person". I agree with you Dedeker but still is a good opportunity in which to potentially check yourself and say, "Hey, okay. Emily:What was the other one that you said? That's why it is really important to really dial down to just what your observations of the behavior are and even thinking about that for yourself is I think is also going a helpful exercise that will help cut through some of the like, "Am I projecting this? It's usually best to avoid disparaging someone even if you know they're wrong. This can look a number of ways. 
If you are having an issue with a metamour. On this episode of the Multiamory podcast, we're talking about what to do about metamour problems. People are more likely to be like, "Well, fuck, okay. Crap, what's the URL? Number four on our list for this one is to kill them with kindness, is to be apologetic when necessary and be understanding when necessary. It's nice to see that and it can be a really helpful thing. I think the answer is specific boundary rather than just being like, "I would need you to figure it out and be friends with this person, because it will benefit me and my relationship with both of you ultimately." That's not a unique experience of having a friend who doesn't get along with me, or my partner's friends doesn't get along with me or I don't like them or having trouble getting along with a partner's family or something like that. Dedeker:Because you can- if you've already pre-formed an opinion about someone, it's very easy for it to just color every other interaction that you have with them. It's like you said, invalidating that in a way and that should ache, so just don't do it. In addition, you can share with us publicly on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Like the idea of a metamour. Dedeker:Definitely. Related to all of that, and connected to all this is, it's important to take care of yourself, and to prioritize your own mental health and your well-being. It all feels great. Webwhen metamours don't get along when metamours don't get along. Webhow much rain did wisconsin dells get yesterday. I guess to some degree we we've talked about it but not fully done an episode on this. That it is their choice to do that and it is- that is something worth keeping in mind for sure is that you're not their parent. A lot of it's going to be similar just the opposite side of things we've already covered, but things to keep in mind for yourself as well as some things you can do. Jase:I think also even or maybe, especially if you do feel like you have pretty legitimate concerns about your partner's partner and how they're treating them and stuff like that, that talking badly about them is probably the least effective thing you could do to actually get your partner to change their mind and still like you at the end of it. I think what Emily brought up, though, that I think is important that it's more about, I need you to figure this out in a way that makes you not treat me badly because of it and not cause trouble in our relationship because of it, whereas I would definitely agree, don't shame or say, you have to get along with this person, or you have to like this person or to try to coerce them into some relationship that they don't want. I had to include it in this part of the episode. Thankfully, the women put their differences behind them in time to star in the "90210" revival, "BH90210" in 2019. Dedeker:It happens multiple times at your work. It doesn't mean that you're okay to just sit there and listen to one of your partner's just trash-talk the other partner, or insult them or call them names or whatever. In these very tight-knit communities of non-monogamous, just any type of people that even friend communities that know each other quite well, sometimes there are these moments where people get gossiped about and it's shitty, it's not okay in my opinion at all. I'm way too much of an evolved poly person to do that. There's often subtlety to it. You can get access to these groups and join our exclusive community by going to patreon.com/multiamory. That is sad and it's not necessarily ideal. Dedeker:We've touched upon the subject definitely many, many times over the course of many episodes. That's completely understandable because it reflects like this impressive new exciting part of them and that really has nothing to do with you. Youll become part of an incredible community of open, caring and supportive people who not only work to improve their own lives, but actively help others on their journey. The first scenario is going to be the one in which you do not like your metamour, or your partner's friend or your partner's mother or whatever. Even if you don't trust them to make good decisions, you still have to trust them to make the decisions anyway. They may not have much in common, or they may have incompatible desires or personalities that can cause conflict. Kind of the same caveats that we gave at the beginning, that it's like you really want to avoid trying to make your partner into the middleman or into the mouthpiece or the interpreter or the go-between. It is okay to ask them if they're open to certain things such as, "Are you open to reaching out to an abuse hotline?" I hope we'll get into that a little bit more later. They're so focused on how much they don't like this other person or how much they think this other person is the cause of these problems, that they don't realize how much they're hurting you in the process of disliking that person. It's exploring those, asking those questions, where is this coming from? The housemate pretty much keeps to himself anyway. This is awful for me. Jase:Also if you want to spread the word and allow more people to hear this stuff and get this information, one of the best ways you can do that besides actually just sharing it with people and reposting it places, is to take a couple minutes and write us a review on iTunes or on Stitcher. The same time if they're trash-talking you to your shared partner, don't do the same to them. Webwhen metamours don't get along. Have you had great relationships later on with metamours that initially you had shitty relationships with? I don't mean that to be anything against you. I think something that's going to come up again and again in this discussion is that, at the end of the day, you do have to let your partner make their decisions and trust them to make their decisions. Extraversion: Enjoys being with others, warm, outgoing. In those scenarios, again, we were saying at the beginning, it's really a lot of the same advice as if you suspect that a friend or any loved one is in an abusive relationship. That I do think there is some value in that, because I think sometimes people don't realize it. Dedeker, Emily, can you talk to us about what does that look like, what's that mean? How did they feel in this relationship? Emily:Often it's just a moment of catharsis for you, whereas like in the big picture, it's not going to be good overall to do that and to be unkind in a way to this decision that your partner is consistently making and still wanting to be with this other person. Just be the bigger person here and try to be understanding of the situation and think about it, think about why this is happening and maybe hopefully, what can be done to remedy the situation, so all right. If you are currently in a polyamorous relationship, or are thinking of entering into a polyamorous relationship, it is likely that you will have one or more metamours at some point. That's not just like, don't be the go-between in terms of relaying messages, which we've already said is not good, don't try to translate for each other or figure each of them out for them. This one can be challenging when pride gets in the way especially once it's gotten to the point of feeling sort of adversarial or feeling like this person's always attacking me, why would I apologize to them if they're the one being a jerk. Do I assume that all people are manipulative and therefore, I'm going to read that into everything my metamours do? Also, this isn't your job to fix. Join. Or the mending of it may look like them deciding, we can't have any connection with each other. Sadly, just a couple of short years later, Dina and Dolores had a falling out. There's all kinds of potential things to try on in this scenario and to bear in mind moving forward. Having some negative feelings or even opinions about a metamour, however, is different from overt demonstrations of disrespect. Also along with that, Eve Rickert talked about how you should not be blaming, shaming or pressuring each of your partners to figure this thing out just for your sake. They also have a reputation of maybe treating your partner badly in the past. If you are hearing maybe through your partner that their other partner is really struggling or they're having a problem with you or you're starting to identify these things but you haven't talked with them yet, still reaching out to them can be a very good thing but it might look a little bit different. Sometimes it's a little bit of column A, little bit of column B. 2. to leave; to be on one's way. Emily:- then that will be incredibly impressive. Emily:Exactly. Part of what makes it all so kooky is that we dont have scripts for how were supposed to act towards our partners other lover. 
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