Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. Because they might get a slice. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. Tommy Armour, 40. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. I never prayed that I would make a putt. but I can show you what is! Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". After 18 holes I can barely walk. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. Sunday Service. Drop some in the comments! Your email address will not be published. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. The means are as important as the ends. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. 7. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Hi there! Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. Please sign up with your best email address. Funny and dirty medical pick-up lines and doctor hook-up lines. P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. 5. "I'm the best. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. Full Text: The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things Features: Size: 7x36 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. Boo. Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Correct one fault at a time. Sam Snead. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! Im the best. Where is the best place to go on vacation? Here, have a carrot! Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. P.G. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. I like big putts and I cannot lie. What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? Why a carrot as a logo? 1. Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. 3 of 10. . ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. Jack Benny. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. When your golf cart capsizes. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. nay I my child, and eke, oh! Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing. Required fields are marked *. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. Whos there? What do you call a blonde at the driving range? Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? Intercourse! Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. What is a golfers favorite bird? If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. Wodehouse How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . Just ask my ex -wives. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. Harry Vardon, There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice. Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! At the golf corpse! Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? A dinner without wine. Why do golfers hate cake? "The most important shot in golf is the next one." PG Wodehouse. Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. ~ Victor Hugo. Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. Roarin' Mcllroy The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! Because all the other four letter words were taken. When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. 3. Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. About 160 yards was his reply. What do you call a lion playing golf? Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. 2. Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? 19th Hole Bonus Quote: While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. Palmer calmly said, What the hell do you want it to back up for?. I'm a bit tired so how about we just play your backside tonight? J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. Lee Trevino. Knock, knock Golf?! John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. Golf is a lot like life. You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! After 18 holes I can barely walk. First and foremost, you must have confidence. Funny Family Poems. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Pick your favorite one from more than 86 quotes about funny golf with images and use it wherever you like. Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? Whats the best quality in a golf partner? Wash your balls. All he knows how to play with is Clubs! Check it out now! So that you can share them back, with the whole world. We share them in our weekly newsletter. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. Just tap it in. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? My caddy says I should use a hard 7. You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! 3. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. They expect to succeed! Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Id cry too if I played golf like you. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. It took one afternoon on the golf course. fodrizzle. From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. I like to go low. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. A fan in the crowd said Mr. G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. Two rounds a day are plenty. And that thought is: Dont think. What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? On the Green In Two. Jim Murray. Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight. Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Lee Trevino, 59. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. Golf is the easiest game in the world. And now it will be poisoned for you. Its just really hard to play. P.G. "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20. putt." Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. 4. Lift your head and spread your legs. Golf is a game where the ball lies like crap, but the player lies like a pro. 19. 2. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. There are no absolutes in golf. 1. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." They dont have the heart for it. 1. One minute youre bleeding. You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. Tahiti who? Why dont skeletons play golf? 3. Required fields are marked *. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. Any birdie will do. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. Don't worry to do dirty jobs. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. Do you know what the Lama says? What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. 8. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. Your email address will not be published. 5. Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. 22. Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. 3. So what are you waiting for? Peter Jacobson, 33. Thats incredible. What does a golfer do on his day off? People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. 8. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Are you a water hazard? I had a hole in nothing. He was perfecting his swing. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. You are signed up for our newsletter! 4. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. How the heck did that happen? What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. You want some dirty golfing jokes, we got them for you. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. 3. I prayed that I would react well if I missed. Chi Chi Rodriguez, 44. We have a threesome, care to join us? GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side.
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